Mind your manners.  It’s considerate, you will spare the feelings of others, and it’s just the right thing to do.

Oh, and you will be paying for it later your boss’s snobbbbby wife notices you phrased your invitations “requests the honour of your presence” when you should have said “requests the pleasure of your company.”  And she has the nerve to bring it up next time she sees you.  Spare me, I know!

Here’s a great place to start.  Buy this book by Peggy Post.  It will help you with not just invitations, but the rest of your wedding.  Or life, really.  Parties & entertaining.  We all need a little help in the manners department every once in a while.

Guest List Basics

Including Children?

If you have chosen to not include children at your wedding (or other event), you may…

• Address the envelope & inner envelope to the adult guests only, omitting the children: “Mr. and Mrs. Todd Williams”
• Clients of mine have written “Adult Reception” - that is not perfect etiquette, but a good option for those of you who are very concerned about the neighborhood preschool showing up!
• Pass the word along through word of mouth
• NOT write “no children” - that is considered impolite
• If the “children” are grown adults, it is polite to send them their own invitation - even if they are still shacking up with mom & dad.

Including Partners?

• Couples who are married, engaged or living together should always be invited together.  If they are married or living together, the invitation is sent to a shared address.  If they are engaged and living separately, an invitation is sent to each at their individual address.
• It’s a lovely gesture to include a guest for your single guests, but it is not required.  If you choose to do this, you may address your guest as “Miss Nicole Swanson and Guest.”

Addressing the Envelopes

• Double check the guest list to make sure names are spelled correctly!
• For an unmarried couple residing at the same address, the invitation should be addressed with each name on a separate line.  Typically, the woman’s name is first.
• If you are inviting a family with children (and the children will not be receiving their own invitation), the children’s names are written below the parents’ names on the inner envelope (or if there is no inner envelope, you may write their names below the parents’ names on the outer envelope).

Traditional Wording for Your Wedding Invitations

HOST LINE

The traditional format has the bride’s parents hosting and inviting the guests: Mr. and Mrs. George Nelson

If the groom’s parents are sharing expenses, both sets of parents act as hosts, with the bride’s listed first:

Mr. and Mrs. George Sander

Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Riley

Many couples want to mention the groom’s parents, even if they’re not throwing the wedding:

Mr. and Mrs. George Sander

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Emily Anne

to

Owen Riley

son of Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Riley

Divorced parents should be listed on separate lines with the mother’s name first.

Mrs. Brenda Anne Sander

Mr. George Samuel Sander

When either or both of the bride’s parents has remarried, only the natural parents are listed, since they usually give the bride away; depending on your family’s situation, though, step parents can be included.

A good way not leave anyone out is to invite the guests yourselves, and mention both families.  This is also a nice way to word the invitation if you will be footing the bill yourselves.

Together with their families

Emily Sander and Owen Riley

REQUEST LINE

For religious ceremonies:

request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter

For weddings held at a hotel or a home, it’s more appropriate to use warmer, less solemn wording:

request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter

Many families are opting to mix tradition (such as British spellings and formal constructions) with their own sentiments:

would be honoured to have you share in the joy

of the marriage of their children

Less traditional…the couple issues a simple request, emphasizing the celebration.

invite you to celebrate their marriage

OR

request the pleasure of your company at their marriage

BRIDE AND GROOM LINE

Traditionally, a bride takes no title before her name.  Another option is to include titles for both.

Traditionally, if the parents are listed above the bride’s name (and carry the same last name as the bride), the bride’s middle name is included but last name is left off.

DATE AND TIME LINES

Spelling out the day, date, and year lends sophistication, but you can also use a numeral for the year. Similarly, although “half after six o’clock” is classic, it may not be right for a less formal wedding. When stating the time, only the hour is necessary; there’s no need to note A.M. or P.M.  Where time of day may be unclear use “in the morning” or “in the evening.”

LOCATION LINE

Make sure you have the proper name of your church.  As with everything else, spell out “Saint” or any other abbreviations (except R.S.V.P.).  Direction cards have become a common way to direct your guests to both the ceremony and reception site. Invitations are typically written without punctuation;  line breaks take the place of commas, except to separate city and state, or to avoid confusion.

Not So Traditional Wording for Your Wedding Invitations

If you’re having trouble with swallowing the traditional invitation wording, take a look at the wording suggestions on the Offbeat Bride blog.  I just came across this today when looking into some fun wording ideas for a client of mine.

My favorites:

• food and merriment to follow
• On this day we will marry the one
  we laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
• amidst the sequoias
  at The Beautiful State Park in
  My Hometown, Californiareception and rock ‘n’ roll to follow
• Together we laugh, we dream, we love,
  and on this day, we marry
• Invitations designed like airplane tickets (no proper wording required!)
• Song request for reception on RSVP card
• They have been running mates and boxing partners, something and something else, but most of all they have been best friends. Please join them as they become husband and wife.

In the process, I discovered she’s written a book.  Looks like a good one to pick up!  I think I’ll go order my copy right now.

Do you have any other clever wording ideas?  If so, please send them to me!

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